Sunday, October 29, 2006
4:00 AM
blacked out like 3 times todae. sian. 39.6 when i woke up.
first time was due to.. um. was rollerblading until halfway jus suddenly black out. second time was sitting at the sand there, suddenly cant see anything. third time. later say. wah. although its not the first time i blacked out, but three times's still very scary. hehe. anw, lucky they were certified first aiders. (: thanks dudes. although we do fight, but we're still friends! wahaha. really thanks wor. u guys saved my life. i think. (:
after the second blackout, temperature was already running at 40. ok. due to my stubborness, i went wakeboarding after which, despite stopping from them. whoa. guys. nxt time dun hit so hard can? pain leh. bai tuo. u all 7 teakwondo people against me leh. *cries*. waha.
3rd blackout was better. as in very short moment only. i was on the water can. suddenly jus cant see.
i dunno how to swim! wahaha. ya. after the 3rd blackout, i decided to go home. then slept for bout one hr jiu wake up le. i know i'm sick la. people 38 degrees cant walk liao, i 40 degrees go wakeboarding. sry la. that's me.
after waking up headache's killing me.(which it still is now.) went to see doctor. for the full 18min he was talking crap. say wat i ping xue-low blood pressure. then mus eat wat shit to bu xue. watevr la. all the while i was sitting there showing him the 'do i look like i care' face. waha. he sorta kan chu lai, then started nagging agn. argh.
then now, after eating his medicine, my temp go up to 40.6 . i know i'm sick. still sitting in front of comp typing. ''' haiya. shao huai nao zi better loh. the more stupid i am, the easier i can let go of things. haha. 2mr still got band prac. haiz. mus go.. haiz. go la go la.
yay. gonna have time to blog hop! bb!
4:00 AM
blacked out like 3 times todae. sian. 39.6 when i woke up.
first time was due to.. um. was rollerblading until halfway jus suddenly black out. second time was sitting at the sand there, suddenly cant see anything. third time. later say. wah. although its not the first time i blacked out, but three times's still very scary. hehe.
anw, lucky they were certified first aiders. (: thanks dudes. although we do fight, but we're still friends! wahaha. really thanks wor. u guys saved my life. i think. (:
after the second blackout, temperature was already running at 40.
ok. due to my stubborness, i went wakeboarding after which, despite stopping from them. whoa. guys. nxt time dun hit so hard can? pain leh. bai tuo. u all 7 teakwondo people against me leh. *cries*. waha.
3rd blackout was better. as in very short moment only. i was on the water can. suddenly jus cant see.
i dunno how to swim! wahaha. ya. after the 3rd blackout, i decided to go home. then slept for bout one hr jiu wake up le. i know i'm sick la. people 38 degrees cant walk liao, i 40 degrees go wakeboarding. sry la. that's me.
after waking up headache's killing me.(which it still is now.)
went to see doctor. for the full 18min he was talking crap. say wat i ping xue-low blood pressure. then mus eat wat shit to bu xue. watevr la. all the while i was sitting there showing him the 'do i look like i care' face. waha. he sorta kan chu lai, then started nagging agn. argh.
then now, after eating his medicine, my temp go up to 40.6 . i know i'm sick. still sitting in front of comp typing. '''
haiya. shao huai nao zi better loh. the more stupid i am, the easier i can let go of things. haha. 2mr still got band prac. haiz. mus go.. haiz. go la go la.
yay. gonna have time to blog hop! bb!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
5:18 AM
feeling a bit normal today.
yesterday nite went wif ah ma to church.(actually its jus a family centre) ya. a bit dun like the church people. by that i mean a lot la. oh.. the ah ma is my real ah ma lah. not yingchyi or minshan. haha. wah.. damn baka leh. i jus sit there hor, they came talking to me 4 no reason. maybe they wanna be friendly or watevr but they seem too scary for me la. from talking to later touching here and there. at first was jus the chair, then shoulder, then arm.. wah. pls la. they are already old women loh. and they are people i dun know. wtf. and u guys know me de la. i dun like people touch me here and there. frens maybe la. but its like.. wah. then comment on evry part of me. saying wat gals shudnt have too much muscles, look like guys.(i was wearing sleeveless.) wabiang. i like cannot ar? pls la. its my business. like duh. on normal cases that will end up in a fight la. but since they are my ah ma's friends and are old women, didnt ji jiao so much. haiz. cant stand these people. and i'm not going into that stupid place anymore. damn.
okok. enough of ranting.
today was quite ok lar. not that sad lar. cuz tuition teacher came ma. then crapped bout movies. i wan watch movie!! anw, crapped bout deathnote. haha. haiya. now getting a bit down liao. rahhs. mus keep myself damn occupied so wun think so much. haha. jus in case i get very down by the end of the post, be prepared. haha. ok. let me laugh first. hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha.
ok. i'm done. damn. so many surveys to do. hate it. miss the class. haiz. oh ya. if u evr find my posts too depressing, nxt time dun read k
hha. shit. comp kena hang liao. so 2mr then post. rahh!
bb
Friday, October 27, 2006
1:34 AM
last few days didnt post cuz not totally in the mood.
thinking of some things that happened to me in these last days of sec 2 life.
losing friends, losing trust, losing almost evrything. i really wanna ask, WAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?? why mus life treat me like that. i really have no trust in myself, no courage to fight for things anymore. haiz.
yesterday was the last day of sch. it wasnt a normal sch day. seeing so many people sian really makes me.. who doesnt feel sad to leave the class? even jianyu was feeling down. weird weird de. seriously, i wont know how to survive these days without jianyu and cheesiew. really la.. they hav been always sitting around me since sec 1. last few wks, they are the people who tried to cheer me up la. although jordan keep making me angry. haha. funny him. they are 2 people i'll miss most after leaving twofive la. ya. see them dunno wat happened but still jing li an wei wo. haha. dudes, thanks wor. and jianyu, cheer up la. (:
went with ziai to our classroom last year. looking at the empty classroom, looking at the place i once sat, memories gushed back, tears fogging my eyes once more. thinking of the trust we had in one another, thinking of those betrays, thinking of how i forgave them jus like that. wondering why. those people who meant so much to me. feel so.. like jumping down the building. no matter wat, i nvr regretted anything i did for anyone. so, ya.
guys, smile more la.. its already the end, so dun think so much. doesnt help anyway. as long as people i care are happy, i'm fine. maybe i can cope. maybe i can stop thinking. (:
Monday, October 23, 2006
10:06 PM
posting le.
today morning wasnt feeling too well. got flu becuz of that stupid haze. then reach sch the sky damn hazy. ok wait. talking serious things wif senior on msn now. need concentration. so post 2mr ba. sry!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
10:27 PM
cant stand sad songs nowadays.
dunno why, dunno how.
if death can solve things, i might hav already been dead la. the thing is that it cant.
morning mood still ok. maybe cuz i'm at home and no one else is ba.then somemore not in sch. yah. quite ok lar. think until noon time ba. family came bk and parents were screaming at me for dunno wat. i wasnt paying attention. :P
anw after that suddenly very down agn. (ask my mood, dun ask me) had very serious moodswings today. really. and thus,,, sorta seriously injured myself. sorta like bleeding and blueblacks evrywhere. most probably my house too many walls, den bu shuang bu shuang jus.. ya. haha. dun feel anything anw, so why bother?? lol. cool loh. see blood coming out but zhen de no feeling.
evening dad drove me to ochard road. went HMV. bought some cds for diploma. yeah. stayed there for like, 45 min. cuz not in the mood to walk, so went home.
haizz. 2dae supposed to hav tuition. cancelled anw. so talked to teacher on msn for like an hr. i oso dunno wat we crapped about. haha. but she made me feel bit better. a bit la.
2mr got piano lesson. agn. dun feel like having it. no choice.
only got 3 days left in 2/5. i really dun wanna leave. although we cant be known to be united, but still ri jiu sheng qing ma. evrybody is like together for so long le. its really time to let go.. time flies. those people u spent time wif are walking away. standing there, helpless. isnt it? okok. shall shuddup.
ok. shall try to be happy. guys, dun wry la.. (:
bye for now.
Friday, October 20, 2006
5:47 AM
actually didnt hav the mood to online todae.. but had to settle some things.sign in into msn immdiately sian diao, cuz.. arrghh.nvm la. 2dae got bk test papers. usaually end of year dun do well not happy de, but the other some other things that are making me unhappy la, results are only that minority.
todae was really damn down. even cheesiew and jianyu realised. lols. see them trying their best to comfort me and ask me wat happened. 2nd half of recess went wif sinying to the art showcase there. outside peop doing art but inside quite nice and quiet. haha. she's also trying to comfort me. sry la. no use de la. yue comfort yue sad. haha. maybe she said the things that i had no courage facing. yeah. so after that, really cant take it le. cried.
shocking rgt? who can imagine me crying??? lols. actually it was already a very common thing after... really hoped that can do what she said. haiz. itis not easy. nothing can stop it when heart is wounded and bleeding.
after that went bk to class. ltr went hall. seriously anyone can tell me what was it about? listening to radio throughout. thinking bout it throughout.
ended up crying agn. shit. why am i so prone to tears these days?
anyway aft that nothing much happened la. was very sad until cca.
senior made me feel bit better. at least in music, i'm cushioned. no hurt, nothing. occupying myself with music now. but once sad songs come, cant take it anymore.
in front of the piano, realised that evrythng i played were sad. play until neighbour came over tell me to stop. bu zhi bu jue composed a lot of thing. haha. making my neibour and family cry. i think that one really nothing happen oso cant take it la.
anw, qing xu very ji dong now.
流着血，流着泪，撕断友情。
的却很痛。不过再痛也得忍。
小小的伤口，已经流血不止。
现在，将伤口拉大，
血涌了出来。不知道还要等多久，伤口才会愈合。
依然在等待。虽然知道越等越累，
也知道越等越痛，不过我放不下。。
Thursday, October 19, 2006
5:01 PM
feel very sad today.
feel very confused.
ming ming wanna patch up, but keep saying that i can let go, i can forget.
but will sort out my thinking at the end of this post.
only she'll understand that kind of feeling, experiencing the pain, losing someone whom u spent so many happy moments with.
really wat am i avoiding? i think its myself. trying to hide the sorrow, trying to hide those emotions, trying to act happy? or wat?
i really dun gettit. what i need most now is comfort, a true smile.
and that's what i cant get. not together now, smiling is so difficult.
if we both dunno wat happened, that means nothing happened. then?
mingming care de, but why say i dont. mingming need her, but why say i dont anymore? mingming wanna talk, nut why avoid so much?
can i really let go? from the day we sat together, fate already decided, we are friends. but why it wanna seperate us? since it put us together, why pull us apart agn?
maybe said all those stupid things juz cuz didnt wanna hurt her. but what if she gets more hurt?
hav i evr thought how she would feel?
people always say than friendships will get better after each quarrel, but why cant the same thing jus apply to our case?
why isit so exceptional?
really owed her a lot. so much that i dun even know how to pay bk.
she was the one who was always making me smile when i'm down. without those words, sometimes during bad mood really feel very weird. maybe its cuz listen the same thing for a long time le ba. then suddenly nvr hear it anymore..
we dun hav much time left together, but i'm still willing to give in anything to get this friendship bk. i nvr regretted all i did. u know how much u mean to me.
dun keep me waiting, buddy.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
6:10 AM
these days i've been thinking..
where was i evr wrong.
used to think that tis a regret to hav such stuff happening at the last days of sec 2 life.
but now, if i dun even know where i was wrong, why call it a regret?
some things are really not understandable.
hav been thinking,
why did we even get into each other's life in the first place?
if we had listened to ms thoo and sat in register order, maybe all these can be avoided.
why trust so much when that friendship breaks at the end of the day?
really feel like burnind those photos, but
although photos can be burnt, memories cant. and its already a fact that we had shared happy and sad times together.
getting into each other's life is difficult, but getting out is almost impossible.
i really dunno why, but jus wanna avoid.
avoid doesnt cure at all, but jus feel like avoiding, lying to myself that that can lessen the pain.
who am i trying to lie to??
maybe pretending that we havent knew each other would be better.
lets pretend that we've nvr built up this friendship, pretend that we've nvr talked, pretend..
clinging on is very tiring. i dun wanna play this kind of game anymore. its not nice.
i can nvr win playing against lost trust.
lets jus let go...
Sunday, October 15, 2006
8:21 PM
ok..
nxt.
What do you think about 3? sherilyn.
good buddy, super tallie, quite chio, and..
ok. lets leave this part out.
What's the best thing about number 8? adeline.
haha. best part shud be throwing paper balls wif me during maths lesson into the bin. haha. she rarely gets it in..
What do you like about number 11? yuzhen.
the way she encourages people and the way she treats evryone around her.
Favorite Memory with 4? min'er.
is that the present tense of memories?
haha anw, to me there isnt a FAVOURITE memory. all the memories with her are equally precious and valuable to me.
Who is number 14 to you?? zoe.
classmate, nice friend, loves black and red combi.
7:59 PM
got this fr sinying's blog.. supposedly ziai, but cant copy ma. so..
Name 14 of your friends that you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 14 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No Cheating!
1. sinying
2. tressa
3. sherilyn
4. min'er
5. jordan
6. jianyu
7. ziai
8. adeline
9. geraldine
10. valerie
11. yuzhen
12. xiuwen
13. joanne
14. zoe
How did you meet 11? yuzhen
in band loh. shockingly nice senior.
What would you do if you had never met 2? tressa
haha. actually if i dun meet her then who the hell knows wat wud happen??? anw, haha. no one help me do blogskin nia.
What would you do if 6 and 10 dated? jianyu, valerie
excuse me.. needa go toilet puke.
ok. i'm back. cannot la.....
Have you ever seen 4 cry? min`er
um.. yah. dun wanna talk bout it.
Do you think 14 is cute?
yeah! quite cute. especially to zhiwei la...
How did you get to know 8? adeline
actually i oso dun rmb liao.. click on her link and ask her, although i doubt that she can rmb. haha.
Would you ever go on a date with number 12? xiuwen.
errr... no. gd senior though. haha. damn cute.
What's 7's Favorite color? ziai
not sure leh. paiseh..
What would you do if 9 confessed she/he loved you? geraldine.
may i go to the toilet again?? she's my junior leh.. like HELLO??
Facts about 13: joanne
amb hornist, my SL, great qm, very good senior, studies in 3/1, scarily clever, blurlur, and taking o level chinese soon.
Who is 6 steading with?
he's single. mei you jordan na me hua xin la.
Who is number 5 to you? jordan.
my laooba. haha. he upgraded fr ah gor to laoba few months back. nice guy actually..
bie xiang wai!
is one single? sinying.
uh hem. dun think so.
Where does 7 live? ziai.
yishun.
to be continued on top.
5:36 AM
yo!
waseh. miss blogging seh.
blogger lah! locked my blog from since dunno when loh.
ma fan.
too long nvr post, oso dunno wat to post about liao.
um..
actually not in the mood to do anything since after exams la.
dunno?? so many things started happening.
okok. lets shuddup and not talk aout it.
i'm supposed to be in a gd mood today! WAHAHA.
oh ya.
today morning had piano lesson.
stupid teacher trying her best to get the hell outta me.
dammit.
this kind of people teach me and expect me to pass.
wat kind of crappy nonsense is that. HELL.
once more this kind of nonsense and that's the end of her money-making fr me.
hmmm. then wat..
oh. after piano lesson damn bu shuang so went downstairs and walk walk.
went home and immediately flunk myself onto the bed.
then slept for dunno how long until it rained.
haha. think i slept a lot these few days.
haha. maybe cuz if dun sleep then will start to think a lot about certain things.
haizz. really missed the times..
starring at class photos thinking of the past.
things have really changed huh.
dunno why human nature jus lead them to think about the past,
when things have already changed.
people must wait until the last minute then treasure things de.
hate it.
haiz. shud hav treasured the relationships wif some people.
arrgh. starting nonsense again.
hey band people, mus buck up le hor.
so long nvr practice liao.. later kena scolded by mr lim again.
remember:
we hav a concert at istana coming up on the 24th of oct.
so, hope that we can do as well as we did on together 3.
so guys.. JIAYOU WOR! :)
okay.i think that's bout it.
since blogger 'released my blog, will update more often de.
bb for now. (:
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